Unsolicited love advice from President Noynoy Aquino


President Noynoy Aquino’s love life is rich fodder for gossip. As the first bachelor president of the republic, PNoy’s potential girlfriends are closely followed by the media. Every woman he’s involved with is scrutinized by the public eye: Is she First Lady material? Will this fling lead to a big lavish wedding?

The President has been romantically linked to a number of women in the past. Among them are Grace Lee, Shalani Soledad, and Liz Uy. Recently, he’s rumored to be dating the newly-crowned Binibining Pilipinas-Universe Pia Wurtzbach. She has both denied and vaguely acknowledged the rumor. When Wurtzbach was asked whether or not it’s true, in a show hosted by Boy Abunda and Kris Aquino, she said, “I know him. I talk to him. He’s very fun to talk to.”

Heh, we all know what “talking” means!

As of now though, PNoy remains officially single, and it’s probably for the best. If he’s been going out on dates instead of running our country like he’s supposed to, he would surely be roasted harder than he’s being roasted now: The Senate panel has held him ultimately responsible for the Mamasapano massacre, and his trust and approval ratings are at an all-time low. (Some internet users suspect that this dating rumor is a “diversionary tactic” against PNoy’s role in the Mamasapano debacle.)

Despite his “subzero love life,” PNoy is a source of love and relationship advice. That is, if you take his words wildly out of context.


“Kung hindi mo kayang gumuwapo, papangitin mo na lang lahat.” 

…By working on your personality! Looks matter to a certain degree because some sort of mutual physical attraction must be established first. But in the long run, it’s personality that matters, right?


“The Filipino is worth dying for. The Filipino is worth living for. If I may add, the Filipino is worth fighting for.”

Replace the Filipino with [name of loved one.] This grand statement is the litmus test of love. Are they worth dying for? Are they worth living for? Are they worth fighting for? If your answer to all three questions is a resounding yes, then that person is for keeps. If your answers are no, nope, hell freaking no, then by all means, re-evaluate your love life.


“Yes, my love life is still like Coke Zero. I hope that when I step down from the Presidency, it will at least go back to being like Coke Light.”


Remember what I said about PNoy setting his priorities straight? Approach love with a healthy dose of clear headedness and emotional drive. If you find love, strike that sweet balance between loving too much and loving too little. If you don’t find love, do not despair in the frigid landscape of your singlehood. Enjoy your time alone. There’s plenty of fish in the sea, old souls and rare breeds included. Buy them a soda.


“Their competence has to be demonstrated….The ampaw for example, looks delicious but inside, it’s all air. How do I say this without being insulting?”

Again, it’s all about the personality. Some people look deceptively delicious. But once you get to know them and try to uncover the person lying beneath all that yumminess, you sadly discover that inside, they are all air. Like a Bilibid blow-up doll.


“My smile might have been misunderstood. I have several expressions.” 

That is why when you’re at a singles’ bar, be careful with your facial expressions. A smile and prolonged eye contact could be misread and be taken for something else. Be upfront with your emotions. If you spot an Attractive Someone at the bar and you feel like buying them a drink, do it. You might get rejected but still, go for it. Because the world won’t stop spinning once you hear the word “no.” And don’t forget to do it with a smile.


“The measure of our humanity is our ability to give of ourselves, even, and perhaps most importantly, when it hurts.”

If love hurts, love scars, love wounds, and mars any heart, as Nazareth would have us believe, why love at all? Either we’re stupid or we’re really just programmed to seek out a mate. Whatever the reason is, it’s proven that love pushes us to be selfless even without a reward. And yes, even when it cuts us to the core. Researchers have discovered that all along, the secret to true everlasting love is—drumroll, please—kindness.


“Kung puro pagse-selfie at pagpapalakas ng town sa Clash of Clans naman ang aatupagin, talagang mage-game over ang mga pangarap natin.”

(cropped from facebook.com/presidentnoy)

Love requires sacrifice, maturity, and openness. That’s why you should put down that phone and talk to each other like proper human beings. Also, easy on the couple selfies!


“No one can argue that both sides working towards a common goal greatly enhances the chances of success.”

Relationship is work, and it demands effort from both ends for it to succeed. But Roland Barthes, in A Lover’s Discourse, famously wrote: “The lover always loves the beloved more than he or she is loved in return.” Ouch. So take turns being the Lover and the Beloved. Or pretend you never read that quote; Barthes is dead. To give your relationship a bit of inspiration, you and your partner should come up with #RelationshipGoals, such as Barrack and Michelle, Brad and Angelina, and uhm, Kathryn and Daniel.


“To be understood or misunderstood is not so much a struggle as it is to understand or misunderstand the longing for inner peace in each man’s heart. A sincere life is not to go above and beyond others and oneself, ‘…at high altitudes, a moment’s self-indulgence may mean death.’ Should you ever come across me in your thoughts, never fail to include yourself, and your fellowmen, for in our longings, never at a moment forgetting one another, we together will struggle.”

First of all, congratulations for reading that until the last word.

Love is complicated. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense at all, like the paragraph above, which is actually PNoy’s yearbook write-up. Sometimes you have to go over your relationship several times to understand what’s wrong. Most of the time, people beat around the bush and send mixed signals instead of saying what they feel. Yup, the struggle is very, very real—so just like the president, you might as well indulge in a subzero love life.


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