The bitchosness of gay dating



In a community symbolized by a flag so bright, we keep fighting for equality left and right. And beyond our otherwise fabulous lives, as what the media loves to imply, viciousness lies in the gay dating world.

People think we have it easier, simply because gays are everywhere. It creates the impression that more romantic opportunities lie in wait for us. Although a lot of us have found success in online dating, we still go through the same, cruel cycle of relationships. It’s not as simple as meeting someone of the opposite sex and going for it.

Rather, it’s a complicated world that keys in factors like what you do and who you’ve done and maybe, how many you’ve done. Now, unless you have the body of a demigod or the looks of a Hollywood star, here are some things that make gay dating so vicious.


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It’s all about sex, baby

“T/B?” is what you normally get when chatting on one of those apps that end with “-er.” This question simply asks if you’re a top or a bottom, but it’s basically saying “If you’re the right letter, then I’m gonna do you right.” Let’s not forget the other letters “DTF” and “UFS.” There will be times when you meet someone, and you get along pretty well, only to find out he’s just after the sex. And once you’ve already done the deed, he heads straight for the door.

While these people give you a bit of fun along the way, it’s not the only thing you’re looking for. Many people say not to go looking for love in a dating app because it’s a hopeless place. But sometimes, you’re left with no choice. This is frustrating because, hey, you’re looking for something serious. Then again, those apps just keep on disappointing you.


You’re not the right fit

Some guys will judge you at surface-level. No need to get to know each other because you’re not fit, or not the right fit. The fit ones love to be paired with the other fit ones, and the heavier ones are just left there…on the side. Those who snag the “manly man” are showered with praises, but those who get the “girly one” are met with raised eyebrows. We’ve become so obsessed with media’s idea of how our partners should be like, that we forget what’s most important: PERSONALITY.

So, you’re not thin enough. You’re not fat enough. You’re not muscular enough. You’re not manly enough. You’re not effeminate enough. You’re not young enough. You’re not old enough. Really, you’re just never enough. But enough is enough—one day, you’ll meet someone who will think you’re more than enough.


Maybe, next time

Things are going really well until that day when he says, “I’m so sorry, but I’m not ready. Maybe next time, we can meet again and see.” There’s no “next time.” After he says sorry, he’s gone forever and you’re left wondering why.


The interconnectedness of everyone else

(Archie Comics)

One of the purposes of dating is to meet new people and get to know them before you enter a relationship. In the process of dating, it’s inevitable to talk about the past, the present, and the future. The troubling part is when you talk about his past and you find out that he’s actually a friend’s past. It’s some rule that someone’s ex can’t be your current boyfriend, especially if he’s the ex of someone you truly know. Like what the great Gretchen Wieners once said, “That’s just, like, the rules of feminism.”

Because the gay community is relatively small, you could be dating the ex of someone you just recently dated. It’s a weird situation to be dating someone, only to find out he’s the ex of the guy you were canoodling with last weekend in Boracay. Awkwaaaard.


Forever stuck in Narnia

We all know where Narnia is—it’s the magical world lying beyond the closet doors. Dating someone still hiding in the closet can be quite a challenge. While some of these closets can be opened easily to lure the guys out, some closets are tightly shut. Some gays love it when the guy’s just so hot and macho, but that isn’t the case all the time. You might fantasize about making the “straight” guy (or what people refer to nowadays as the discreets) come out of the closet, so he can have fun sliding down the rainbow. But guess what? You’re forever going to stay in that closet with him if he’s not ready to come out, and you’ll just be the lion in the witch’s wardrobe. More often than not, dating someone in the closet will suffocate you and leave your heart for dead. Good luck with that, Aslan.


The Hunter

We’re not saying he’s a gold digger, but he ain’t messing with no broke guy. This is the sad reality and the sadder part of the truth: While trying to find love, some people will take advantage of you. It doesn’t seem obvious at the beginning because love leaves you blind, but beware—he might only be using you for your money. Here’s a nifty equation that will let you know if you’re dating a hunter: The number of times he says “Let me pay for it now” minus the number of times he says “Can you pay for it first?” If the answer is -10 or beyond, you’re dating a hunter, my dear. Don’t let him ravish you that way.


Society in general

(Terry Wong)

And so you’re finally out on a date with someone you really, really like. While he’s the hottie you think you don’t deserve, things between the two of you are going perfectly well. The problem? Society. People think you’re a sugar daddy because they think you don’t deserve and can’t possibly be dating someone that hot. They think you’re paying for everything and Mr. Big next to you is just lusting over your money. This can get in your head sometimes and drown you in paranoia. But you don’t have to listen to what they say if you’re in love with him. They try to pull you away, but they don’t know the truth—and that is both of you just truly keep, keep bleeding love.


Uhm, who’s the girl?

You’ve decided to introduce him to your friends. The annoying part is when they ask: “Who’s the girl?” Girl, puh-lease! No one needs to be the girl in the relationship. We’re both guys, and we choose to be in a relationship as two guys. People should stop associating heterosexual norms to gay couples.


It just doesn’t feel right

Above anything else, what’s most frustrating is when it doesn’t feel right. You may have gone out on dates and gotten to know each other really well, but sometimes, there’s that one thing that makes you feel like the relationship isn’t going right at all. Maybe it’s the way he says your name or the way that he kisses. Maybe it’s the way he responds to “I’ll talk to you later,” or the way he doesn’t show up all the time. It might be the things he asks you to do when the lights are off—it just doesn’t feel right. And when it doesn’t, you begin to wonder if there’s something wrong with you.

These, of course, are just some of the vicious things gays go through when dating. Perhaps, you won’t go through them. Perhaps, you will. Whatever it is, dating can be frustrating at times. It never works out the way you want it to. Sometimes, someone is too good to be true, while other times, the person’s a major joke. When you fall in love, it’s hard to tell if he’s going to catch you or let you hit the ground. Dating is painful, full of drama, and cruel. But do believe that there’s life after love.

Dating could literally be on your fingertips, but love isn’t just a swipe or a single “Hey” away. It can be troubling and frustrating, but when you meet someone, when you finally connect with someone in a genuine way, then all these become worth it. After all, we need to go through some bitchosness to find happiness.


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