Culture

Drugs? Jollibee statue? Vigan City?! 14 of the craziest things you can buy on the internet

(Olx.ph)

 

We love online shopping because it saves us from the horror of crowded malls, long lines at the cashier, and overeager salespeople who—sometimes literally—breathe down our necks.

But maybe what we love most about online shopping is stumbling into stuff that we would never find in any mall.

We scoured local e-commerce sites for the most bizarre things that are, or had been at some point, put up for sale. From a used nursing bra to a “bridal boy dancer” to an autographed portrait of Ferdinand Marcos, here’s a collection of weird things that you might be interested to waste your money on. Happy shopping!

 

Vintage Jollibee statue

Fool your neighbors into thinking that you have franchised a Jollibee store by erecting this vintage Jollibee statue next to your front door. You’ll be getting Chickenjoy and palabok orders in no time.

 

 

Vintage working bear trap

For the really cheap price of Php 180, you can get yourself a functional bear trap. Nevermind if there aren’t plenty of bears in the Philippines, you can trap an akyat-bahay or a chupacabra instead!

 

 

Ferdinand Marcos portrait with autograph

Marcos’s autographed portrait might actually be cool had “Felise Villagava” not been written on it IN PERMANENT INK. This purchase should come with a complimentary bottle of Touch and Go.

 

 

FHM 2002 old issue

The ultimate throwback to the lovely days of the early 2000’s, care of the Sex Bomb Dancers. Get get aw!

 

 

Elvis in Chevy wall decor

Something you’ve always wanted: a wall installation of Elvis leaning out of his car, with a creepy smile on his face. “HOW YA DOIN’?”

 

 

Assorted used nursing bras

A purchase that should be milked for what it’s worth…which is Php 500.

 

 

Pair of used kid’s socks

Because mommy would gladly pay Php 70 for Junior’s pristine white, secondhand socks. Athlete’s foot is optional.

 

 

A bag of assorted clothes

Ahhh, yes. This is the ukay-ukay delivered right at your doorstep. Although this bag of goodies includes “mostly female” clothes, it’s great for costume parties.

 

 

Adidas ‘scandal’

Intrigue your friends by inviting them over to your house so they can see your naughty pair of “Adidas scandal.”

 

 

Vigan

You can own a UNESCO World Heritage City for the dirt-cheap price of Php 500. Keep in mind that this purchase comes with “a lot of hot chick.”

 

 

‘Adorable’ cows

Dear pet lovers, your life-long desire to take care of an “adorable” cow can finally be fulfilled. Just look at those spots. And those sad, sad eyes. While you’re at it, you might also be interested in “cute pure white akita inu cows”.

 

 

‘Profitable’ bar for foreigners

Now, this item is exclusive for foreigners who are planning to start a business in the PH. Unlike its competitors, this bar/lounge is guaranteed to be profitable. Perhaps it’s because of the “friendly and entertaining staff.” Or maybe it’s because the place is “very well and needy furnished in rustic and relaxing atmosphere.” Who knows? It just rakes in cash.

 

 

Meth and other drugs

Well, well, well. Someone has been breaking bad on the internet.

 

Editors note: An entry for a bachelorette/bridal boy dancer was previously included in this story. The entry has been removed at the request of the person photographed in the story. The original ad was placed without his/her permission.

 

Pacifiqa